Summertime

I'm enjoying my summertime. Last week felt more normal for a teacher's life anyways. Last Saturday was my stepdad's memorial service... which brought closure in a lot of ways. I didn't feel right about taking some of his ashes, but I took soil from the gravesite and scattered it into the Spokane River as a symbolic act of forgiveness & grief. When I first watched the movie Smoke Signals in 2000, I never expected how deeply the story would resonate with me. In one scene, the Native American main character throws his father's ashes in the Spokane Falls while the poem "Forgiving Our Fathers" is read in the background:

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

by Dick Lourie

How do we forgive our Fathers?

Maybe in a dream

Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever

when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage

or making us nervous

because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?

For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?

Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning

for shutting doors

for speaking through walls

or never speaking

or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs

or their deaths

saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?